25 November 2010
Ideal `ORKUT' profile of a Software Engineer,....funny!?
About me:
I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not.
I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok…I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me–> "Just stop laughing!!")
Relationship status : What?
Birthday : The day my Project Leader is about to fire me.
Age : 101111111111
Here for: Web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion : I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : The guy sitting beside me is a pig!
Humor : Daily in office hrs visiting sites like funtoosh
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Living : Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a Software engineer? Believe me, I am living!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage : naukri.com, jobsahead.com, hotjobs.com – Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions : searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: Quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities : Are you crazy?
Books : "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored
Music : Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing or doesn't make sense.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi but anything available within 200 meters of my cubicle!
I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not.
I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok…I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me–> "Just stop laughing!!")
Relationship status : What?
Birthday : The day my Project Leader is about to fire me.
Age : 101111111111
Here for: Web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion : I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : The guy sitting beside me is a pig!
Humor : Daily in office hrs visiting sites like funtoosh
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Living : Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a Software engineer? Believe me, I am living!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage : naukri.com, jobsahead.com, hotjobs.com – Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions : searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: Quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities : Are you crazy?
Books : "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored
Music : Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing or doesn't make sense.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi but anything available within 200 meters of my cubicle!
Software Engineer Husband and Wife Chat
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
02 July 2010
30 June 2010
INSTALLING HUSBAND
This Is A Joke............So Don't Take It As Serious
A Woman Writes To The Technical Support Guy......
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0..
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5..0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system..
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1..0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
A Woman Writes To The Technical Support Guy......
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0..
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5..0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system..
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
___________________________________
Reply First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1..0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
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